Realizing today’s fear is tomorrow’s laughter

There is fear running through my mind, coursing through my body, looking out of my eyes and right back into my self.

Sharing this might make me feel better, as action is often the remedy for overcoming emotions that I don’t yet understand.

One strike of the key, then another, fears laid down to sleep.

Searching for it, it flees
Looking for it, it hides
Feeling for it, it tears

What is wrapped amongst my pain is the mentation of living deranged. It’s so, isn’t it?

When you choose to live your life on your own terms, whether right or misguided, fear too, travels near, bed times.

So what is it that I’m fearing?

Nothing rationale, only the dragons of my own creation.

Loneliness, the unknown, being lost in my way, losing faith as to who and what I am, what I’ve become

Do you see it?

The blessing that it is, to experience the void, the falling sensation, drowning in an abyss of emptiness.

To fly in the void, to breathe what doesn’t exist

Drama in these words, such truth too.

It’s a thing that sits in the shadows

It’s a thing that sits in the shadows

It’s something that I am always trying to grasp.

It’s a thing that sits in the shadows, calling to me, comforting me with its lack of boundaries.

The ineffable being that wants to share, that promises to share its secrets with me if only I will walk into the darkness.

I know the fear of the unknown, its all unknown.

How can I live in terror of everything?

How can I live like that?

How can any of us live like that? We can’t.

Then why do we keep trying to?

Maybe the density of our ignorance is more than the world can handle. We’ll soon collapse into an iron heap of exhaustion.

Until then we will grasp onto anyone who offers a hand, knowingly or not; if they are in our vicinity we will stretch out in a desperate attempt to feel, to see, to know if they are the one who will let us experience ourselves, filling us with the false knowledge of who or what we are.

And in the meantime well go on feigning contentment and happiness.

I know I can only be disappointed in them. It’s the way isn’t it?

It’s the way that is the obstacle to understanding myself.

No, it’s the experience that screams back at me, shooting me through with the truth of my existence, that I will never find my space in an other.

How could I?

I am me while everyone else is everyone else but me.

There is only one space where I can be.

You can’t be here. I can’t be there.

I’m glad this is so, even though I am sad that I can never fully know your experience.

I don’t want you to know mine, not entirely at least. There are too many things that I don’t want you to know, emotions, mental states, potentialities that I wouldn’t wish upon another.

What does it mean for me to acknowledge this?

It means loneliness and discontent; it means possibility and adventure.

I haven’t been to that place that I believe exists.

I’m going there if I’m not already.

Maybe I’m an idealist, a romantic who can only fail, but failing by blindness is not the failure I’m participating in.

I’m going into failure knowing that I am in control of my reactions, in control of anything and everything that I experience because I know I can’t control any of it.

That is all I need to know. But is that ever enough.

Let me run free into death. If that is how it plays out then that is how it plays out.

Let’s Be Even More Skeptical Of It All

What do you want to know for yourself that people have said is so?

What are you super skeptical about also curious to experience if it’s true or not?

SKEPTICISM is a necessity…

Come see for your self!

If you were to write and create your own quest for awakening and enlightenment…

What would it look like if you spent a few days in being and in creating while experiencing the quest and adventure that you would go on to live as you sense and know, a path of awakening, of waking up, of living from the place where everything is perfect as it is, clear and lucid, magnificent and easy in it’s way?

It’s like creating your own creation. Constructing your own brain and body using your mind, connecting to the field that you are existing from so as to experience what wishes to be known…

I wonder if perhaps we will have to…

I wonder if perhaps we will have to train our minds to know when it’s us and not them/us, as in the microchips, or the control of the subconscious?

It could be that the only to protect our minds is to actually discover that we are beign lived and we are along for the ride(s) and it is only after have trained to ourselves to know ourselves, might we be free more so than not, even though there may never be such a thing as freedom 100%.

The revolution of this conversation has already been going on and it is only going to become more and more real as we advance with all our technology and what not.

But the technology we don’t see is the non-tech before us that is us.

It’s the awakening.

I see it as a Lucid Mindset. We jack your mind so you can train to delineate between you and the denatured you, so that when they come if they do, you will be able to know who you actually are.

That’s a twist of the mind isn’t it.

What You Know To Be True, “You Know!”

You know…

####You Know…

and that is the truth that all knowing is known by you and anything you ever learn or come to know will only be because you know.

What a beautiful circuitous truth about you and your experience.

It’s terrifying and freeing to live your knowing.

And in this moment it’s part of you and your knowing.

There is a knowing that is confused and uncertain, not sure what to do, knowing that the truth is what it is. It’s all a mess and beautifully so.

And you live with it.

To be in this body and to be confused by it and the spiritual knowing.

You are amazing like this.

How do you live this way, what does it mean to live as the light, it’s what the real is.

It’s so true but the way to show one I don’t know.

I’m a mystical skeptic…

 

Newer Posts Older Posts